Fumbled Hearts (A Tender Hearts Novel) Read online

  “I had to get a work permit, and a little job to get the state papers signed off on by the courts, but it worked.”

  “After that, my parents hardly ever came home. I didn’t mind. I got to do whatever I wanted, and hang out with my gramps more often than ever before.” She adjusts her pillow and crosses one leg over the other.

  I stay frozen in place, waiting for the hit.

  “They came home three times a year. Super Bowl, Fourth of July, and my birthday…” She takes a deep breath, then turns her head toward mine.

  I don’t move.

  She searches my eyes, for what, I’m not sure, but once she’s satisfied, she continues, her eyes still trained on mine. “My grandpa showed up to surprise me the day before my seventeenth birthday. My parents were due in that day, but their flight was delayed, so they wouldn’t be getting in until the next morning. He didn’t want me to wake up on my birthday by myself.” She turns back to the fan.

  “When I woke up on my birthday, I found him hunched over in the kitchen. He was making me French toast.”

  I remind myself to breathe.

  “Once we got to the hospital, he went through hours of testing before they finally told me he had congestive heart failure, CHF. Apparently, he’d had it for the past few years and he’d had a heart attack. They kept draining the fluids from his lungs, but it wasn’t working. They couldn’t keep him stable; said I only had a couple hours with him.”

  Her head jerks toward me and she glares.

  “Why don’t you ever say goodbye to me?”

  My brows jump at her sudden and unexpected question.

  “I pay attention. I hear you say it all the time, to other people, but you never say it to me.” Her tone is accusatory, as if she’s upset by it, but I can see the importance of the question in her eyes. I don’t even think she realizes how badly she wants my answer, maybe even needs it, but I can feel it.

  Cautiously, I lift my right hand and tuck her silky black hair behind her ear. Flattening my palm, I let it rest there against her soft skin.

  I prop myself up on my elbow and slowly lean down to press a kiss against her lips. She doesn’t pull away, but she doesn’t give in either.

  I whisper against her lips, my eyes locked onto hers, “Because, for some reason, the thought of saying goodbye to you does something to me. I don’t like it. It makes me feel like I’m losing something.”

  Her lids lower the smallest of fractions and, for a split second, she allows herself to lean into my touch, then quickly looks back to the fan, forcing my hand to drop.

  “My grandpa didn’t allow goodbyes; said that’s not something he and I would ever have, a goodbye.” She releases a sharp breath. “Anyway, he was about to die. Just after midnight, the nurse came in to add the cherry on top.”

  I can’t handle it anymore, I reach out and pull her to me, tucking her little body into my arms.

  Now I can breathe.

  “Anyway, he was about to die. Just after midnight, the nurse came in to add the cherry on top.”

  Nate’s strong hands grab ahold of me and he pulls my body against his. I can feel his heart beat against my palm. It’s kind of…soothing.

  When his hand comes up and begins running through my hair, I get lost in my words and the memory I haven’t allowed to surface in over a year.

  “You can go to sleep...” More tears stream down my face, but I have to be brave. “Go to sleep. I’ll wake up for you.”

  “Ms. Embers?” A soft, hesitant voice calls from the doorway, and I drop my head back down.

  Beep.

  “Please, go.” I hear the desperate plea in my voice.

  When I hear a soft cry, I look up at the nurse standing in the doorway.

  Tears fall from her eyes as she shakes her head back and forth, opening her mouth, then closing it. She says nothing.

  Beep.

  “Please, just…can you give me this time?” I say, my voice getting louder, tighter. “I just need more time.”

  “Ms. Embers, I’m afraid there’s been an accident…” she trails off, her eyes focusing on the floor.

  My body tenses and I immediately place my other hand on top of Papa’s, caging it. Shielding him.

  She continues, her voice pained, “It’s your parents...” When her eyes finally meet mine, I know. It’s clear as day, right there on her pretty, round face.

  “They’re dead, aren’t they?” I think I say aloud, but I can’t be sure, because the moment the last word leaves my mouth, the beeping stops and the searing sound of a flatline drones on.

  I look down and my grandpa... My Papa. My best friend.

  Gone.

  My body starts to convulse, my mind flipping like flashcards, as dozens of thoughts and images fly through my brain. I can hear my pulse in my ears and nothing else. The nice woman’s lips are moving, as are the officers now standing behind her, but I don’t hear them.

  Then, suddenly, my body seizes, air flows through me, and I feel…nothing.

  Standing, I offer a nod to the men and women in the room, thank them, then walk out. Never once setting foot in that hospital again.

  Nate’s grip tightens around me and I allow myself to settle into his arms.

  “How did they die?” he asks in a tight voice.

  “Car accident. Nothing spectacular. Just bad timing, I guess.”

  I can’t help but scoff at that. Bad timing alright. My parents and grandpa all died on my seventeenth birthday. All because they wanted to be there to celebrate with me.

  “So, your aunt…”

  I nod into his chest. “Is a perfect picture of my mother.” I release a deep breath. “She tried to pull the guardian card, since she was the only adult left who I was related to, but my lawyer shut her down quick. Turned out, she had no idea my parents had emancipated me. She did everything she could to have it overturned, but it didn’t work. It was all in good faith on her part, but it was the last thing I wanted.”

  “So, you lost your grandpa and parents in the same day, then stayed there alone?” His voice is thick with emotion. “Why, Kalani?” His arms tighten around me protectively.

  The answer is simple.

  “Twins, Handsome.” I don’t say anything else because that alone is enough.

  He whispers after a few minutes, “So, you’re eighteen...”

  I nod. “I had good enough grades when everything went down, so I didn’t have to finish out the last two months of my junior year. They dropped, obviously; went from solid A’s to hardly passing C-minuses, but I didn’t care. I wasn’t about to go back, regardless.” I shift, laying my chin on my hand so I can look at Nate’s face.

  “When my senior year started, I signed myself out and took the year off. I had a lot of business things I had to handle, since everything that belonged to my parents and grandpa was signed over to me. After that was done, I just hung around.”

  Nate starts running his hand through my hair again and I smile.

  “Anyway, Mia and my aunt ganged up on me and begged me to come here and finish out school when, really, I should have just gotten my GED, but whatever. I knew they were worried and I had nothing else to do for a while anyway. So here I am,” I say, rolling my eyes.

  We lay there in silence for a few minutes, staring at each other, before Nate kisses my hair and shifts out from under me. “I have something for you.”

  I look up at him as he makes his way to a bag I didn’t see him bring in.

  “What is it?” I ask, curious.

  “Nope,” he smiles, and I could kiss him.

  He’s trying so hard to act nonchalant after everything I told him and, once again, I find myself wondering why that makes my body seem… lighter.

  I make my way around my bed and step into his chest.

  Instantly, his arms come around me, barricading me in their safety. I tilt my chin up and we seal our lips together.

  Mine, thanking him. His, telling me - showing me - that my words were heard and felt and app
reciated.

  When a small crack forms in the center of my chest, right where my rapidly beating heart lives, I pull out of his embrace.

  Nate says nothing, but grabs the bag, asks me to get my shoes and a sweater, and meet him in his truck.

  I change into a pair of black yoga pants and an oversized hoodie, choosing my Uggs over my Chucks.

  I hesitate at the front door.

  My brows pull in as the fingertips skim slowly over my lips.

  A smile pulls at my mouth, but my phone beeps from my boot before it takes over.

  Handsome: it’s okay to want something. No pain, no gain.

  I’m wondering if he’s right.

  “What are we doing here?” I ask when we turn down Nates long driveway.

  He glances at me quickly, a nervous smile on his face, before focusing back on the dirt road. “We’re hanging out.”

  I roll my eyes, of course, but I can’t stop myself from smiling.

  I like it out here.

  “Alright.” Nate parks his truck and unbuckles his seatbelt. “Give me a minute.”

  My brows jump and I try to object, but he’s gone too quick.

  Not a minute later, a soft light flicks on, illuminating the swing, and my anxious feet take me right to it.

  When I reach the top stair, Nate walks out the front door with a goofy grin in place, two blankets in hand.

  I follow him the last few steps to the beautiful escape.

  He folds one blanket, laying it across the seat part of the swing, then motions for me to sit. He reaches for my feet, removes my boots, then joins me, covering us both with the other blanket. We settle in next to each other, his feet planted on the floor to sway us, mine tucked underneath me.

  He sets the mysterious, white grocery store bag in my lap.

  I smile at the bag.

  “I have cousins who are twins, Mason and Arianna.”

  My lip twitches and I peek up at him. “Yeah?”

  “Yep. Same age as us. Mase plays football, too.”

  “Hmm... what’s Mason look like?” I smirk and he glares, earning a laugh.

  “You know,” I sigh. “It sounds stupid, but the worst part wasn’t even losing them all, like you’d think it would be.”

  “No?”

  “Nope.” Releasing a deep breath, I continue, “The worst part was that my Grandpa didn’t tell me he was sick.” I tilt my head and look over at Nate. “How could he not tell me? He was my best friend and he didn’t tell me he was dying.”

  Nate’s hand moves to rest on my thigh. “I can’t say for sure,” he gives me a small smile, “but if I had to guess, I’d say he didn’t want you to worry.”

  I nod, my lips in a flat line. “Yeah, I figured that, too.”

  Nate lifts his hand and rustles the plastic bag, drawing my attention back to my lap.

  I untie the knot and peek inside.

  Once I see it, my head falls back against the wood, my laughter echoing around us. I don’t lift my head, but turn it to look at Nate.

  He’s staring at me with parted lips, his eyes bright and unblinking.

  When I see his hand move out of the corner of my eye, my lips twitch in anticipation.

  As expected, maybe even wanted, it skims across my cheek until he reaches my hair, where he tucks it gently behind my ear. His hand rests there, in his spot.

  And all I want to do is lean into him, get as close as possible, and maybe stay there... for a while anyway.

  The thought alone is enough to make my throat grow thick.

  “What are you thinking right now?” he whispers.

  “You first,” I croak out instantly.

  His whispered response is a quick as mine. “I’m thinking about how beautiful you are.” His eyes roam my face and I bite the inside of my cheek. “About how soft your skin is.” He runs his fingers down the side of my neck, my body shivering under his touch. “How, as strange as it may seem, I want to see you smile this way every day, for me... at me.”

  It’s my turn to search his face and, as I do, it’s the first time I don’t see the overzealous playboy, but a guy searching for something more in a girl who has nothing to give.

  And for the first time in what seems like forever, I feel a ping of sadness, right in the center of my chest. Because right now, I wish I could give him whatever it is he’s looking for.

  He sees it, but in true Nate fashion, he doesn’t push. He gives me the pass I need. “Okay, you have to share,” he says, snatching the bag from my fingers.

  I laugh and wait as he opens the prepackaged cubes of Nestle’s chocolate chip cookie dough. Setting the package on his lap, he winks and passes me a few pieces.

  All I can do is stare at him.

  When he turns to me, tilting his head in question, I simply smile and face forward again.

  An hour or so later, we’re pulling in my driveway.

  “Thanks, Nate,” I turn to him. “For tonight, all of it. I haven’t talked about any of that since it happened. Not to anyone.” I shrug.

  His face gives nothing away, but he jerks his chin in response, silently thanking me for trusting him.

  The moment my feet pass the threshold of my house, I feed Nauni and am overcome with nostalgia.

  Unwilling to wallow, I throw on my running shoes and head out the door.

  “Lolli Bear!”

  I turn to find Parker running toward me, an unshakable smile on his face.

  My eyes bulge when I realize he isn’t slowing down, and within seconds, I’m squealing and being thrown over his shoulder, spinning around.

  “What the hell, Parker?” I laugh, then grunt as my stomach smashes into his shoulder.

  “We’re three-time State Champions, Lolli! You’re coming to the party tonight if I have to carry you there myself.”

  I think about telling him I already fought with Mia about it and lost, but why burst his happy bubble?

  “Okay, Hero. I’ll go to the party.”

  “Ye-”

  “If you put me down.”

  I’m on feet in two seconds flat.

  “Perfect.” He smiles and throws his right arm over my shoulder. Kissing my temple, he asks, “You gonna drink with me tonight, Lolli Bear?”

  “Actually,” I take a second to think about the crazy week I’ve had, “a few drinks sound pretty damn good right now.” I smile, wrapping my arm around his waist.

  We’re laughing as we reach the group of people waiting around for everyone to head to the party.

  My eyes instantly find Nate’s.

  His eyes instantly find my fingers wrapped around Parker’s side, then Parker’s arm around my shoulder.

  I wait for him to meet my gaze again, but instead his shoulders tense, and he turns for Austin’s running truck.

  Parker’s oblivious, but gives me a small nod as I slip away from him and the conversation he just started with Blaine, the tight end.

  A few girls pile into Austin’s cab seats and Nate’s reaching for the front handle right as I approach.

  “Good game, Handsome.”

  His biceps flex and he slowly turns, a deep pinch in his brow as he looks down at me.

  “Hi, Lolli!” The girls giggle in excitement in the back seat.

  I laugh, waving. “Hey, guys!”

  One leans over the front seat, and I see it’s the dark-haired girl from my government class, Casey. “You going to-”

  “She’s coming,” Austin’s quick to interrupt her on a laugh.

  She smiles and throws herself back against the seat.

  “You’re going to the party tonight?” Nate asks, his tone accusatory.

  “I am.” I hold his eyes and ignore the scoff he gives me at my answer. Boys will be boys, after all. “You gonna drive me or not?” I raise an eyebrow at him.

  It takes a second, but finally, his smirk appears and he pushes off Austin’s truck. “See you there, my man,” he calls out, not bothering to look back when Austin protests.

  Nate steps
into my space, so I’m forced to look up at his perfect face.

  Me being this close to him makes me want to kiss him, so I raise onto my toes. Right as my arms wrap around his neck, his slide across my back, pulling me closer.

  “You really want to go to the party tonight?” His eyes search mine, a weary expression on his face.

  I nod. “I could use a few drinks. Been a long week, Handsome.”

  He blows out a breath, looking around in thought. “Yeah, it has.”

  “That was your last official high school game.”

  He nods, glancing at the stadium lights as they shut off in the distance. “We have the annual spring game the school puts on for fun, but yeah. Season’s over. It’s crazy.”

  I grin and pat his chest. “You’ll be playing under bigger, better lights in no time.” I wink at him when his brown eyes make their way back to me.

  The corner of his mouth starts to crook up, but it falls flat, quickly transforming into a frown when Parker plants himself next to us.

  “Ready, Lolli?” He smiles, bouncing from one foot to the other, clearly eager to get his grown man on.

  Laughing, I shift in Nate’s arms, feeling his body tense immediately. I can only assume it’s because he thought I was moving away from him, considering he relaxes a second later when I turn to lean my back against his chest. “I’m going with Nate.”

  “NO!” I hear from my left and right, and suddenly, Mia’s standing there with us.

  My head jerks back and Nate’s arms tighten around me.

  “Uh...” I look back and forth between the two.

  “Nate is riding with Austin and the floozies in the back. You,” she points to me, “are riding with me and Parker.”

  Something’s fishy, and it ain’t the floozies.

  I narrow my eyes at Mia and stand taller. “Why?”

  She cuts a quick glance at Nate, her eyes flying back to me as she shrugs. “I have a quick pit stop to make and I need you to go with me.” She smiles a big, cheesy smile I can’t help but laugh at.